real talk//real life

lets talk about the real stuff.

lets talk about love

the way that people fall in and out of love carelessly and the fact that people say it without passion in their eyes and with holes in their hearts, and that people hurt the ones they say they love. and how about the fact that im afraid to fall in love, because i think i already let myself do that once and my heart broke and is still held together with glitter glue of those who really love me. because love is real, if taken seriously love is very real.

lets talk about death,

it causes tears to appear in eyes that hold the smallest things close to their hearts and provides a silence that cannot ever be filled because someone will always be missing from the conversation. and it hurts when you want to talk to someone and they are six feet below you and your legs give out and soon you are crying next them as close as you can get.

lets talk about life,

its always changing and never has repeats. not one day the exact same. it can end at any moment so take advantage of every second you are given. be happy and positive and tell your mom sorry when you get in a fight with her, tell your dad you love him more often, and let your little sister sleep in your bed with you, because you don't know what could happen. live it to the fullest and stop rewatching the same t.v. show and go try something new.

lets talk about school,

who cares what everyone else thinks. be yourself and throw all of those bad thoughts and negative vibes from that one girl in your english class out. smile and dress the way you want. be smart and do your homework and pay attention in class because its going to eventually pay off. if your not feeling it  one day, go home. dont waste your time sitting in class not even paying attention when you would rather be hiking or sleeping. do stuff for yourself because you are worth it. 

and lets talk about how i see real talk as real life.

moving out and buying your own groceries.

car payments and cleaning checks.

roommates and real jobs.

pop tarts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and not having a curfew.

paying for a bunch of stuff you didnt even know cost money, and leaving high school.

moving on from the little bubble protector of Lone Peak.

let your life take off and do stuff your mom would hate if she found out about it and make your dad proud by passing your math class in the top twenty.

because eventually we all have to accept all this real talk. 

long walks and junnie b jones.

I remember the long walk that we took that didn't come with the packaged long talk.
I remember every Halloween with the black tube slide and the alarm at the back door.
I remember the day my first dog died, I didn't fill in a single bubble on the sheet of my second grade end of the year test i was so distraught. 
and i still remember the first time i lied to my parents.
I remember the first concert i went to. My sister brought her boyfriend, and there was smoke in the air. That boy is now her husband.
I remember my first trip to Oregon.
I remember meeting my best friend. We have been friends for 10 years.
I remember the first time i swore at my mom.
I remember the day i became an aunt. 
I remember walking home from school because my mom forgot to pick me up.
and i still remember how scared i was of tornadoes and being kidnapped.
I remember November 2nd at 12:57 and leaving Sunday school in the middle of the prayer to find my mom through blurred eyes. And 5 days later when i knew that would be the last time i would ever see him, and crying while singing.
I remember when my mom told me i was getting a little brother, turns out i actually got a little sister.
I remember when i was so eager to graduate. im not so sure anymore.
I remember the first time i saw my dad cry, i was sitting on the floor by my fireplace.
I remember having glasses and braces, it made me very insecure.
I remember my 10th birthday.
I remember when my backyard was just dirt.
I remember getting pulled over with my grandma on my 12th birthday.
I remember selling lemonade on my front lawn for a week straight. i made $9.75.
I remember the last time i cried.
and i still remember reading junnie b jones in my carseat in front of the stairs in my family room.
i remember, 
i remember it all, even if i don't always want to. 

The Broken Teen

Some words from The Broken Teen along with some of my own.

I have had a crush on you since sophmore year and thats how i became a broken girl. I was once white and full of goodness and innocence, when you came along. We got to know each other and the sound of one anothers car motors and the way the other wrote y=mx+b. You then promised me forever and i thought you and i would end never. It lasted as long as your average froot by the foot and i was ok, because i knew that someday i would become to old for your company. More often than not, i now feel disoriented and uneasy, but that wont hold me back because i will be different now.

Now socializing gives me anxiety & my dad asks me if i own any cloths in color. But i still love the sound of my mothers laugh and the conversations we had without words. And i could still recognize your car motor in seconds and your beautiful brown eyes still on occasion make me cry. But thank you for being you because it has helped me become me.

I hope you enjoy this Kellie, and enjoy the way i used your words. Keep writing because it is
truly amazing and very heart felt.

Book of Love.

Fear of falling.

falling in love,

and out of love. 

its a terrible thing, love.

but it can't be changed.

and its all written together.

love is like a book,

and everyone will read it,

eventually.

and its great, 

if you are falling in love.

but its horrible,

if you are falling out of love.

Not really Jane Ray.

The songs i don't tell anyone else about.

Kids in Love//Mayday Parade
From the Bottom of my Heart//Mury
Tell Me I'm A Wreck//Every Avenue
Forever and Always//Parachute
Sleep Sweet//Mury
Goodnight Moon//Go Radio
Skinny Love//Birdy
Dance Floor Anthem//Good Charlotte
You Are Gold//The National Parks
Somebody That I Used to Know//Mayday Parade
Coffins//MisterWives
Stressed Out//Twenty One Pilots
Take You Away//The National Parks
Angel With A Shotgun//The Cab
Go to Hell//Go Radio
Aint No Rest For the Wicked// Cage the Elephant
The Great Escape//Boys Like Girls
Somewhere in Neverland//All Time Low
Mockingbird//Eminem
CheaterCheaterBestFriendEater//Never Shout Never
No Surprise//Daughtry
Only Love Can Hurt Like This//Paloma Faith
The Breakup Song//Runner Runner
Endlessly//The Cab
It's Up To You//Walk the Moon
Toxic Valentine//All Time Low
Terrible Things//Mayday Parade

A love of social frenzy.

Our love changed faster than the leaves in the fall and fell faster than them all. With the black seats of your truck they ripped right through my heart. And we watched fireworks in the summer because I loved them, and saw movies that I didn't really want to see. My love for country fell from my heart because you said that wasn't allowed, and you grew to love the band's that I believed were all mine. I grew to know the stories of your home thanks to your mom, and you never opened up like that. The oxygen that we took in turned from being clear to something that we wished we never would have had to see. That changed to me playing country music  because I knew that you would roll your eyes and say that it gives you the hives, and you stating that you hate fireworks because you wanted to give me water works. 

Then you took my heart.
You said it was shit, and ripped it up and took thousands of hits.
We fell from a tree, that love of you and me, and became worse than a social frenzy.