Sometimes Fears Come to Life.

Something I always feared happened.

It changed my life and tore down a wall, leaving me to never again be the same. 

An event that never seemed real.

It made my head feel like millions of bees were swarming my head.

Going from thousands of thoughts to none in point three seconds.

Something that I always feared.

It happened, I figured out it's real.

And now I fear it could happen again.

I fear crying into my mothers shoulder for hours on end again, and standing in one of my best friends living room hugging him as we remember lots of good times.

I fear wishing we had taken more pictures, and fear having to go to a friends house when they are never home.

I fear crying in the primary room of a church building and having to say remember when.

I fear the fact that the day this happened to me is so close again.

I fear watching Remember the Titans.

I fear that one small step in the kitchen, and I fear eating a stolen snickers bar.

All of this i fear,

Because I had to find out that it is real.

dead&alive

Nothing seems to go right and the light bulb always seems to go out right after it gets changed.
The leaves never grow back and people are leaving trash in the back of my car.
Its a mess.
One giant mess that makes me feel alive while feeling dead at the same time.                   Little rushes of adrenaline that make me feel like im jumping out of a plane, or seeing someone after a long awaited time.
But i only feel alive for a split second before it all goes back to the feeling of being dead and having people talk to me from 6 feet away.
I feel dead in my messy life as i am brought back to life.

schools are the biggest waste of bricks.

Two stories high and who knows how many square feet, with hundreds of thousands of bricks.  3 gyms and more sports equipment than any high school should ever need. Highest AP test scores in the country with the smallest amount of creativity. And on the first beat of the drum don't forget you have a quiz in first period and that calc test in third. Bricks line the walls staring down the 2500 students watching as they all read spark notes while walking to english. Bricks hidding the sun and the teacher says we can go outside next time, but next time never comes a round cause its cold and you cant take a test outside. More bricks are added as time goes on and you wonder where all the crayons they promissed are, and they say, sorry it just didnt fit in the budget this year. More bricks added and the creativity grows smaller and smaller with every one they add. The kid in the back with stolen bricks in his backpack is just trying to stop the harm thats being done, but he is the one who recieves the most harm. School steals our creativity as they hand us a bubble sheet and number two pencil, and waste thousands of bricks.

feelings of the unknown.

i don't really know if its love,

sometimes it's like watching the sun come up,

sometimes it's like listening for the thunder and watching the lightning.

one day it can be like listening to a sad song but others its like reading a book for the first time and wanting to read it over and over again for the rest of forever.

i feel like it can be ridding a roller coaster 

but also like watching my mother cry.

feeling like the star of taylor swift song then feeling like the only star in the sky.

i don't think it's love because if it were love the feelings wouldn't be unknown. 

Passion Taken Away.

Speaking of  rain and thunder storms brought passion to her eyes.

falling leaves and riding bikes,

but all too soon stops and looks to the wall.

Not wanting to get in the way or disrupt what is going on.

And all too soon when she stop talking

the passion would fade from her eyes and the smile would drop from her face.

And the others didn't even realize that it was their fault,

they were the ones who took the passion from her,

and made her feel like her passion didn't matter at all.